Do You Want to Feel This Way For The Rest of Your Life?
Updated: Apr 18, 2019
Can people change?
Recently a friend of mine re-hired an employee who hadn’t worked out when she hired her over twenty years ago. The woman swore she was more mature, had changed, was going to be a great employee. My friend was impressed with how she presented herself and though it had ended badly the last time, she gave her another chance. Months went by and it seemed to be working, and then it wasn’t. She failed to show up for work and well, one thing led to another, and my friend had to let her go. She hadn’t really changed.
This leads back to my initial question. Can people change?
Yes, but it takes work. For whatever reason, we all have our “fallback” reactions and actions. We developed them over years. Perhaps the way we were raised implanted certain reactions. We imitate what we see as children and begin to think that even odd behavior is “normal.” The expression, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” comes to mind.
We see this in extreme situations where someone is raised in a home with alcoholism. The child thinks that the behavior is normal and adapts to that. Later, that child could grow up to be drawn to relationships with alcoholics. It can feel “safe” in a distorted way, because it is the known. People are drawn to abusive partners in the same way. It is what they are used to. People may be drawn to relationships with people who criticize them and hurt their feelings and this feels “normal.”
However, there are many people who change themselves. They change their behavior, their appearance, and most importantly, their thoughts.
There are people who were abused as children who consciously work at changing their behavior so that they can live happy lives and not continue that pattern. There are people who hated what they saw as they grew up and have strived to not be that parent.
The key to changing is honesty.
If you cannot look at yourself and your actions with honesty, you cannot change.
I think that the woman I mentioned earlier wanted to change, and wanted to believe she had changed. But I do not feel she was honest with herself. Wanting it is not the same as actually doing it. (By the way, that’s called wishing.)
Maybe you don’t want to change and that’s ok. But I have never met a person who didn’t want to change something about themselves or their lives.
Change has to be approached with gentleness. Being too hard on yourself, berating yourself for your slow progress or setbacks is not a good way to approach change.
It is important to combine truthfulness with gentleness.
Act as if you are your best friend.
Look from the outside, from a different angle, outside yourself.
View the situation in a more dispassionate way.
The reason I am writing about this is because of this fact: As we age, as we grow older, you will become MORE.
You become more of what you already are.
If you are dishonest, you will solidify that trait if you don’t work at it.
If you are selfish, you will become more so.
If you are bitter about the past, it will bother you more and more as you age.
If you are angry about your life, you will just get more angry.
HOWEVER, you can cultivate the good stuff and become MORE of that.
Keep up the parts of you that you like and add more good actions.
Encourage your good, kind, loving behavior and gradually ease out the bad stuff.
Make the effort to be happier and cultivate happiness.
You could live a really long time. It is never too late to change and there is always opportunity for change.
THEY ARE ALWAYS CHOICES and you need to view your choices with honesty and gentleness.
You have created your world. Look around and see if you like what you created.
If there are relationships that aren’t working, look honestly at the part you may have played in that. Decide if you want to continue that relationship and what behavior of yours you can change.
If you don’t like the condition your health is in, don’t waste time speaking angrily to yourself about it. Start today with one, small, healthy change. Get help if you need it.
If you always wanted to do something and you haven’t done it yet, start planning. Figure out how to accomplish it.
If you hate your job, start figuring out what you can do about it.
Learn to forgive. Stop holding on to hurt.
Smile and laugh more. Get your face used to that.
Project your mind into the future. Ask yourself this question: you want to feel and act the way you do now, for the rest of your life?
YOU are the only one who can change your life. You can change your future and the way to start is with the decision.
Start planning how you will grow older. Start planning how you want to live your life.
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