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  • Writer's pictureDiana Fletcher

Rewiring My Brain

I am rewiring my brain.


I am actively adding images to some of my memories to reflect my self love and my healing.


Love Instead of Pain

One of my first memories of my mom’s reactions to gifts, was when I was five or six, running through the kitchen. I had a little route, from the living room, through the kitchen, toward the front door and into the living room again.


Someone had taken me to the store to buy a gift for Mother’s Day or her birthday. I didn’t really understand what the tiny funny figure meant by holding a sign that said, “You Made Me What I Am Today,” which in hindsight, is sooooo ironic. As I turned the corner where my little cheap figurine was displayed, I heard her say, “Yes, you made me what I am today, whatever the hell that means.” I don’t know if she was talking on the phone or to someone in person, but I heard, and it hurt.


Little Me filed it away. It was under the heading, What Not to Say Around Children. I added a ton to this memory file over the years.


But here’s the thing. I have never stopped replaying that memory. It is seared into the neurological pathways of my brain, and I don’t want it there anymore.


So here is what I am doing. I am adding an image of love to that whole film I keep replaying.


I stand near the front door, me as I am now, a loving and happy adult. I face the corner that Little Me comes around, and I hold my arms wide. I hold them wide and Little Me, so cuddly and cute, comes running into my arms, and I tell her, “That is a great gift! You are so cool for picking out that gift. You picked it out with innocence and love, and you know what? You are made of love! And we will be ok. You are going to be happy! You keep being who you are because you are wonderful!!!”


And Little Me giggles and curls into my arms and I hold her tight.


This is the image I have added to that memory and so far so good. Everytime it comes to mind I am adding this loving ending.


And one more part. I want Little Me to see what she will become. I look out of her eyes and see Adult Me crouched down with a huge smile and welcoming arms and I run full force at her and hug Adult Me with all the love I feel exploding out of me.


And we both know, it will be alright.




Please scroll down to comment. ☺️


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6 Comments


dblhampton
Jul 07, 2021

Good for you, Diana. That's how you do it. I rewired traumatic memories similarly. We can't change the past, but we can change the way we see it.

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diana
diana
Jul 07, 2021
Replying to

Yes! Thanks so much for reading & commenting!

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diana
diana
Apr 28, 2020

EvCollins: #Memories are like vultures sometimes! Thank you so much for sharing. I hope it helps. It took me awhile but it has changed that whole reel I kept playing.

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evcollins11
Apr 28, 2020

I will try this for some of those old memories that circle around like vultures when I'm trying to sleep. Thank you.

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diana
diana
Mar 04, 2020

Cynthia, Thanks so much for writing! Yes, I think it could work with many, many of our memories. I hate replaying the shitty stuff. Please let me know how you do!

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cynthiamfletcher61
Mar 04, 2020

This is fantastic. I am going to try it. Since I blocked out most of my childhood, I will re-wire adult situations. I’ll let you know how I do.

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