Happy Father’s Day, Dad
Updated: May 7, 2019
I still miss my Dad. Every time there is a new Western, I miss him. He would have liked the remake of True Grit. I would love to watch my favorites with him, but of course, I can’t.
It’s stuff like that that kind of sneaks up on me and hurts my heart. I think of him often and I am so grateful that he was my Dad. I concentrate on that. The fact that he was in my life and I got to have him as my Dad.
This is a reposting of what I originally wrote five and a half years ago when my Dad died on Thanksgiving. This is my tribute to him as we celebrate Father’s Day in the United States.
My Dad died and I am practicing saying it out loud. I have to, so that I can make phone calls. I have been able to say it in emails which of course, makes sense. I am a writer. But, when I write it, I only get a little choked up. When I say it, I cry.
We knew it was coming. These last few weeks, we have been preparing. My sister held the phone to his ear and we each spoke to him. We told him that we were happy and that we were ok. We told him we loved him and that we would take care of my Mom.
My sister said he slept a lot because he was given morphine. He had trouble swallowing because of the Parkinson’s and that would scare him and possibly hurt him. We didn’t want him to have pain. We did not want him to suffer any more indignities.
As he failed over the last 10 years, there was so much that he had to endure. The beginning, when he knew he wasn’t remembering and when his hands would not go where he wanted them to go. And as the years went by, he lost control of his physical movements, his sight, his balance and his choices. With the dementia, he would remember events and happy times from years ago and liked to talk about them. My husband would have conversations with him and fill in the blanks so that my father felt that he was having a conversation. My husband has known him a long time and was able to do this quite well.
I have missed my Dad for awhile. So many times, I wanted to talk to him about books and movies. Just about the time “24” started, he was really struggling with making connections in movies and shows. He would have loved Jack Bauer. He loved reading and he was very aware when he wasn’t understanding the words anymore. My heart started breaking for him right around then.
We will continue to read for him. I will continue to love stories and mysteries and think about being a detective or spy…for him. He loved that kind of thing. I love Westerns because of my Dad. I love stories because of my Dad. I probably love talking about my dreams and thinking about them because of my Dad. Many mornings or during dinners, he would regale us with long stories of vivid dreams he had. I miss that.
My Dad was so proud of us. There were so many things we did that would not have made him proud, yet he was. Always. He always loved us and that will stay with me forever. I feel it now, but I miss him so much.
This is what he left the world:
Wonderful memories of dancing, laughing, and talking
A love of reading
People who were happy to have known him
Smiles when we think of him
Admiration from people who knew him
Students who were lucky to have learned from him
Wife, children,grandchildren and family who love him
Silliness and a sense of humor that live on in my sisters and me
Joy in the simple things
Rebellious streaks in his offspring.
A better world because he was here.
My Dad died. I am not sure this will get any easier to say.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad! xxxxoooooo
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